About The Dirty Dash

Have you ever said to yourself, “Marathons are too easy, and Triathlons are for sissies?”

We haven’t either…those races are really hard. Think about it…the first person to run a marathon actually died.  HE DIED!...and he probably didn’t even have fun along the way!

Well, welcome to a new kind of race: THE DIRTY DASH.  This race that puts all other races to shame.  The Dirty Dash is a mud run obstacle course where a military boot camp meets your inner five-year-old’s fantasy and subsequently converts boy to man and then man to swine. 

You’ll need endurance to trudge up mountains of sludge, courage to overcome uncompromising obstacles, a complete lack of shame to wallow in pits of mud and a smile to show through at the end!

So let this mud run obstacle course become your new guilty pleasure. Go solo or with some of your dirtiest, filthiest, & uncouth friends.  Either way, you’ll be able to look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I am a Dirty Dasher!”… and then proceed to clean yourself off.  

The Dirty Dash holds events in Salt Lake City, UT; Seattle, WA; Spokane, WA; Boise, ID; Missoula, MT; Billings, MT; Eugene, OR, Albuquerque, NM; and Colorado Springs, CO.  And for all you white collar cubicle-dwellers looking for some team building outside an air-conditioned office, try the O.Zone Fitness Dirty Dash Corporate Cup in Utah and Boise!

John Malfatto

Italian 101: “Mal” = bad or poor.  “Fatto” = from the verb fare for to do or to make.  “Malfatto” = Poorly made. 

So maybe his ancestors should have made a little change when they came to America and had the chance to start all over at Ellis Island.  But you have to hand it to them: 250 years of breeding and sticking with the last name “Malfatto” must have created some thick skin….and burly chests…..and short legs…..and ginger beards. 

Lucky for John, he married well and his newborn child takes after the mother’s side: witty, charming, athletic.  He manages DD’s race operations but unfortunately there’s no operation we’re aware of that can bring him up to the average height of an American male.

Matt Ward

Most of you have probably been privileged enough in your life to see a “skullet.”  Bald on top with a mullet in the back.  You probably saw it at a demolition derby, the state fair, in the backwoods of the Ozarks. 

May we present to you the “dreadskull?”  Matt is officially balding on top but trying to cover it and distract you by growing dreads all over and hoping they’ll flop around enough like Sideshow Bob that you won’t notice his encroaching alopecia. 

You won’t even have to seek this guy out like the infamous Bigfoot cuz he’ll be coming at you all day race day, hoarding the mic and showering gifts upon you like the dews from heaven.

Scott Crandall

If ever someone picked up every recessive gene in the book, it’s Scott.  Doctorate students could spend decades studying him trying to figure out where it all went so wrong. 

He’s colorblind, has a pupil that doesn’t dilate, only sweats on half his face, and has a droopy eye, poor posture and a lack of depth perception. 

The one place where nature came through for him with a dominant gene: hair growth….everywhere.  Any estheticians out there with a penchant for plucking, seek him out on race day to commence your muddy magnum opus.

Jon Stephens

Jon left a lucrative career on Wall Street to join The Dirty Dash in 2011.  He’d like to claim that he spent 120 hours a week spreadsheeting, analyzing financial statements, and making pitch books.  But let’s be honest with each other: he spent 90% of his time watching, creating, or forwarding cute little cat videos on youtube. 

Don’t sympathize with his complaints of horrible work-life balance.  The man was too preoccupied watching such classics as Surprised Kitty, Practice Makes Purr-fect, and A Tale of Two Kitties to concentrate on more important things like how his boss liked his latte. 

You’ll find him on race day with bandaged hands, nursing his wounds from being exposed to manual labor for the first time in years.